Pay It Forward

Most of my friends who have children, have children who are younger than Charlotte not by a ton, less than a year, but during the first year or so that makes a huge difference.  I get asked for advice here and there, but really as a mother to a 17 year old, I don't really know how valuable my advice is.  I mean, yes, I've been through some stages, but there is so much difference between kids, but at the same time is there really? I just don't know.  I only have one.  I'm in the same boat as everyone else, just trying to do the right thing. Really, the only thing I've learned in the past 17 months is, if they are alive and happy, then you're good.

Today I saw something, that I've seen in my own eyes and silent words.  My fellow mama was struggling.  She is knee high in sleep training her 10 month old.  She's hit a wall.  It's been ten months and she hasn't had a full nights sleep.   She's desperate for a stretch of sleep, or an afternoon snooze.  Her parents live in CA, and her mom can't come over and watch the baby while she snoozes away.  I've been her.  I'm still her sometimes.  Her husband is a resident.  I've been there too.  They have tests, overnight calls, board exams, and you're there taking care of the child by yourself and trying to support them, but all you want to do is give them the baby and crash in the bed when they come home.  You're thinking, they've worked so hard for this, I need to let them [sleep, eat, exercise, etc].  At the same time, you're thinking when do I get a rest? When do I get 10 minutes to, I don't know, take a shower without someone trying to open the door.  Exercise? Oh, you mean when I lift the coffee cup to my mouth.  What happened to me?

When we lived in Palo Alto, people asked me all the time if they could help me in any way.  I always dismissed this help, I really thought they were just saying it to be nice.  I also thought that I could do it myself.  I'm a strong woman, I can take care of this baby.  She won't defeat me.  But, guess what, she did.  I wasn't me, I was exhausted and making horrible decisions just to get even 10 minutes of sleep.  Baby in the bed, check! Baby eating in the night at 8 months, yup as long as I can get to sleep.  One day, my neighbor Trish, offered to take Charlotte for a few hours so I could get some sleep.  I resisted this like you wouldn't believe.  Why? I honestly have no answer, the best I can come up with is, I thought I looked weak if I needed help.  One afternoon she took Charlotte for a few hours and I slept.  I didn't even loose my shape (falling asleep and waking up in the same position).  I felt miraculous.  I think I got 2 hours of sleep.  Maybe more, that seems like a lifetime ago.

My fellow Mama was there.  She hit a wall.  She needed someone to take care of her.  I called her up, I told her I was coming over and watching her daughter, so she could sleep, and I wasn't taking no for an answer.  I was paying this forward.  I will never forget that act of kindness for the rest of my life. I will never forget waking up and feeling 1000x better.

This got me thinking.  I hear mothers trying to one up each other in so many weird ways.  You're son was an early walker? Well my daughter slept through the night at 6 weeks.  Honestly, that's awesome for both people, but at the end of the day who really cares? You hear  about someone's kid sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, meanwhile you're child is 16 months and still getting up in the middle of night.  You can't help but think that you're a failure.  Comparing your children to other children is sometimes useful, but most of the time it just makes you feel crappy. It's almost like comparing yourself to another woman your age.  Totally pointless.  You have no clue what's going on in each others lives and there really is no comparison.

Why as mothers are we doing this to each other? What we should be doing is SUPPORTING each other.  Which is really a hard thing to do in mom world.  It's an easy time to think of just yourself and what's going on with your kid at the time.  Your kid never steps back and says, "Mom, you look stunning today, and thank you for cleaning my throw up off your chest and putting a new shirt on.  By the way,have you lost weight?" There is always going to be something going on.  When you see someone with an injury that makes it hard for them to care for their children, meals on wheels is arranged so fast than you can't even fill a sippy cup before 20 lasagnas arrive at your door.  But, when you see a mother with dark circles going down to her knee caps, how is that really any different? It's the same thing, they are emotionally injured and deserve this same kind of attention.

So, let's rally together.  We are mothers, our worlds have been rocked to the core, the day that pregnancy test had a + sign.  Let's be there for each other.   Let's support each other.  Let's step outside of our worlds and listen to each other about what's going on, and not say anything, but how can I help? And actually do it.  If you need help, say it.  Admit your drowning.  It will be hard, but you won't be sorry you did.  We need to be taken care of too.  Sometimes, it takes a mother to know that, and deliver exactly what you need.  Even if you didn't even know it yourself.

Lighten Up

Boom. Blonde.

I did it, I pulled the trigger.  I went blonder.  It's part of my overall plan to make spring happen. I went the Macy's Premier Salon at Somerset.  The girl I go to, Lori, is amazing.  You give her a picture and boom! Nailed it.  I. Love. Her.  The second best part about going to the Salon in Troy, is Noanie (aka Nini, aka Grandma) lives right behind the mall.  Stress free salon visit.  My favorite part about going to the salon is riding the escalator instead of the elevator, and reading magazines. Here's what I found:

Seriously though, did you know overalls were #trending?  Not just regular denim overalls, but pleather overalls. Don't the people know that pleather is hot and that spring is right around the corner? I mean I'll admit, I owned overalls in middle school (and possibly high school).  They were from the gap and they were corduroy (you probably get an idea now of why I went to my 8th grade dance by myself and my dad bought me a corsage). In high school, like everyone else, I had overalls made by Silver.  I think I wore them in public once.  Most likely, on the day I got braces.  Ashley Madekwe (had to google her) is wearing the kind of cute white and grey ones.  Are these going to be the new skinny jeans? Everyone hates them at first, then the next thing I know I won't wear my boot cut jeans anymore?

 

Target is on board.  Saw these a few days ago.

Someone inform me if this happens.  So I can go to Target and pick myself up a pair for $23.99, and not wait til 2017 to pay $154 for them at the Nordstorm's Anniversary Sale.  In the People Stylewatch, they also said that, "earthy sandals (Birkenstocks) and back pack purses (Cher Horowitz style) are also "#trending."  Now things are getting pathetic.  I'm old enough to remember recycled trends.  Ouch.

Now, I can get on board with this trend.  Those are Jessica Alba's feet in the picture and they look adorable with these pointy-toed flats and printed jeans. I love me some printed/colored jeans and kind of hope this trend doesn't go away anytime soon.  It's enough of a little punch that says I'm cool, and you can't see the apple sauce stain on my thigh.

In other news, Charlotte is obsessed with all things dog.  She put a leash on her stuffed dog animal unsuccessfully, then had me put one on Annie who she walked up and down the hallway.  After that she took a "nap" in Annie's Penny's bed with various items from the laundry hamper.

I hope she takes up shop in the dog bed and I can tell people that she sleeps there at our feet.  What a cutie.  Really though, if you buy some overalls, or see someone wearing them in public, let me know.

Party City and A Dead Bird

C and I went to Party City today. This place should probably charge adults $11 to shop there. It's constant entertainment for
childrentoddlers who don't talk.  When you first walk in, you can't help but think, let's have a tiki party (or a kiki?).  Charlotte asked me "What's that?" over 200 times in there.  I mostly answered, that's a pinata.  It's a little overwhelming at first, and very easy to get carried away.

http://www.partycity.com/product/gliding+elmo+balloon.do

It took an unbelievable amount of strength not to take this bad boy home with us today.

http://www.partycity.com/product/beer+goggles+sunstache.do?from=Search&cx=0

Quiet honestly, these as well.  Charlotte wore them 50% of the time we were in the store.  At $7, I just couldn't pull the trigger.

I tried to buy the classiest items in the store and came out with some pretty nice stuff for future parties at my crib.  I bought some bamboo toothpicks and some recycled, heavy duty, square disposable plates.   I may have purchased this...

A piece of bacon, with a mustache AND it's a magnet? What the hell have I been doing with my life the last 30 years?

We left the store, bag in hand, and 43 degrees of warm air blowing through our hair.  My god, what is going on? In this bag, I have the best magnet ever, and it's so warm out right now, I might need to put on shorts and go run outside. (haha, jk! I would never run, let alone run outside!)

We get home, we have a pep in our step, let's take the harem for a walk.  Yes! We start the walk.  Annie and Penny start digging and pulling things out of the snow.  Annie had a ball, (obviously) and I really thought Penny had found some Cheetos. You'd be surprised how many bags of Cheetos this dog finds laying around Ann Arbor.   She usually drops it about 10 feet after she picks them up.  Poodles don't eat Cheetos, they eat brie and croissants from the streets.  

By the time we got home, Penny was clutching on to, what I can only assume, was a frozen granola bar from the heat wave of October. Let's just say the rest of my day consisted of; the two bitches (get it?) fighting over a frozen bird carcass, the smell of a rotting asshole in my living room, two visits to the groomer, a carpet wash, and a very tiny lady locked in the kitchen, and that same tiny lady, learning how to open the locked dishwasher.  Holy crap, what the hell happened today?  Remember when I said, "I can't wait to see what you do today."  I didn't think things would get this crazy.

This kind of crap happens to me all the time, and is a big reason why I started this blog.  My "mom brain" sucks at remembering stuff.  Now, at least I have cyber space to help.

Penny got rid of her talons today, and got her Midwest blowout.  Both ladies got their teeth brushed.  At least I can check that off my list.

Tomorrow is another day, and it will be better.

17 moths, Say Wha???

Charlotte turns 17 months old today.  17! I honestly cannot believe it. **Warning!! This post is going to contain an LARGE amount of pictures of Charlotte.**

 

Your husband, serenading your daughter, hot damn! At 7 months (thank god for those stickers)

 

I should have known

I hear all the time about how this time goes by so fast and you should enjoy it.  People aren't joking about this.  How did this happen? My little baby is becoming a little person.

 

She brings sass to Monterrey Calamari festival.

When we first had Charlotte, we were living in Palo Alto with absolutely no intention of moving back to Michigan.  We had a very expensive one bedroom apartment, which worked for us, because she slept in her little bassinet by our bed for quite some time.   I had a rough pregnancy, and I was really expecting an easy baby.  Not the case at all.  Charlotte woke up every hour and a half for almost 6 months.  She cried everyday, unless I was holding her, from 4 to 7.  I thought she had colic, everyone said nope, it's just her witching hour.  It didn't last 3 months, but for way longer, and she would cry for 10 to 15 mins at a time, for 2 hours.  We were both struggling, big time.  Blurry-eyed, my husband accepted a job back in Michigan. All I felt was relief.

Life with Charlotte turned into a countdown, and every month that passed felt like a huge victory that I had kept her alive.  Andy was busy studying for boards and completing his fellowship, and I had Charlotte strapped to my chest, as I walked dogs everyday.  It was a rough time, and sometimes I really regret not taking advantage of Charlotte for who she was at the time.  Instead, I kept telling myself that we just had to make it to 10 months. I was feeling an unbelievable amount of guilt, that I was preventing my parents the chance to be grandparents.  But, I knew Andy did not want to leave California.  He was only doing it for me.  In California, we had developed amazing relationships not only with each other but with new friends.  It was going to be really hard to leave some of the best, most genuine friends I've ever had.  It was just us two, no family or friends, for 4 years.  What would happen when we moved home?

 

Andy & Charlotte in my parents pool the week we moved

 

Charlotte and her Great Grandpa

 

Charlotte taking some of her first steps without holding my pinkie

Being in Michigan felt like a whirlwind for about 2 months.  Andy had a few weeks until he started his new job, the first couple of weeks he was easing himself in and was home a ton.  We spent all of our time with friends and family.  Most people had never even met Charlotte yet and she was 10 months old.  She finally had her own room. We started sleeping, and going out on dates.  It was everything I hoped for.

We made it to her first birthday.  I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.  We partied, open gifts and had a good time.  I remember a few days later thinking, now what?  I had focused so much on getting through that first year, that I had no idea what to do with the rest of the years.  She was walking, getting into everything, and her personality was really shining through.  I spend my days (and still do) sprinting after her around the house.  I honestly cannot wait to tell her she used to eat dog food when she gets older.

 

Annie is the best dog on the planet

 

She LOVES to help stack and unstack the dishwasher

We've been here now for 7 months.  We've had highs and lows.  Charlotte has tested her limits like no one I've ever met.  I'm constantly on the phone with my mom asking her for advice, or begging her to come over.  But, man, Charlotte is so awesome. She's got a fierce personality, and I'm lucky to call her my daughter.

 

Sitting in the car correctly? Not a chance

Andy and I both miss California immensely.  Not just because of the worst winter ever, but everything about our lifestyle there.  We walked everywhere, ate amazing fresh food, got to go to amazing world class restaurants, 50 degrees made us put our down coats on, and we were in driving distance to breathtaking day trips.  But, every time I see my parents interacting with my daughter, I know this move was the right decision.  Even more so when we were baby free for 4 days last week!!! We did the things we used to do when it was just us two.  We even held hands! I've missed that so much, and didn't even know until I felt Andy's hand in mine.

She's back, and I really missed her.  Our lives seemed a little boring. True to herself, she wore my undies as a necklace for half the day yesterday.  Every time I removed them, they reappeared.  Happy 17 months my little lady.  I can't wait to see what you do today.

Valentine's Day

Hearts and flowers!  Pink and red decorations! Yes, please!  Valentine's Day is adorable and completely ridiculous.  The day has turned from decorating heart shaped cookies at school and getting  pre-made cards from your entire class to a downright competition.

My first Valentine's Day, post college, with my first real boyfriend (who I can proudly call my husband) was intense.  I worked in Advertising, at a big fancy building, with a workforce dominated by women.   I remember walking in that day, thinking about our dinner plans, as I marched along to my cubical.  As I walked, something was different, there were flowers on half the desks. "Oh, how sweet," I thought as I made my way to my cubical that was bare of any floral arrangements.  The morning started like every other morning, read some emails, broke the copy machine, and talked about what everyone was doing that evening.   I announced my plans, got the appropriate response, but couldn't help notice the looks I was getting for the lack of flowers on my desk from my amazing new boyfriend.   As the conversation started to die down, one girl said, "Don't worry, your flowers will come, it's still early." She was right, flower arrangements came in at a constant flow for the rest of the morning.  I started to get desperate as people came in with flowers and then kept passing me by.  Shit.  He doesn't care about me enough to send me flowers at work.  I went to a meeting, tried to visualize flowers on my desk when it was over.  Came back, and nothing.  Crap, it's 11.  I'm screwed. 12:15, hear a noise behind me and look up.  Boyfriend appears! With flowers! AND lunch!

He left and went back to med school things and I couldn't help but feel 100x better than I had that morning.  That evening, we went to dinner with a fixed menu.  Got some ok food and went home.  While we were driving home, I started thinking that we had just wasted $100 on a meal I could have made better, and cheaper at home.  We decided then and there to never go out for dinner on Valentine's Day again.

The absurd part of the whole situation, was how disappointed I was not to have flowers on my desk when I got to work.   I didn't even know I needed to have flowers on my desk.  I'm sure, he had no idea I needed flowers on my desk.   This felt like one of the life tests, and I had most certainly failed.
Fast forward many Valentine's Day later, I did not have flowers on my desk (aka changing table) this morning.  But, what I do have is an amazing husband.  He may not get me flowers and jewelry, but he takes care of me and our daughter.  He goes to work every morning before 6 am most days, and comes back sometimes after 6 pm and MAKES DINNER.   When he has free time, he wants to be with us, not out with the guys, or gambling, or watching a sporting event.  He asks me to turn off the T.V., because he wants to get to know me better.  He puts our daughter to bed every night he's home for it.  Screw flowers! I'll take that any day.

I can't help to think on this Valentine's Day, how many of those girls who had flowers on their desks are still with those guys? When did Valentine's Day become such a big competition?  Don't get me wrong, getting flowers is amazing, but I'd rather not get obligatory flowers.  I want flowers on a Tuesday, after I cleaned up the Tupperware drawer for the 3oth time and stopped my child from pulling the dishwasher door off.   I want my daughter to learn that Valentine's Day isn't just about getting a bunch of crap, but a celebration of love (and clearly adorable decorations). Also, as every holiday goes, you should do something special for the ones you love.  Whether, it's just a quick text, a hand written note, or a piece of jewelry.  Tell people you love, that you love them, and you're grateful they are in your live.  No one gets sick of hearing that, ever.

First Blog post + Conditioner

When you think about things that can possibly happen in your life, most of the time the things you think of and the things that actually happen don't correlate whatsoever. Today was one of those days. It's Wednesday, which means it's music class day. My favorite class of the week. I was getting us all ready to leave, and couldn't hear Charlotte at all. My motherly instinct knows what that means, silence=trouble. Trouble indeed. I walked into my bathroom to a giggle to find this.

Yup that's conditioner, fancy conditioner, brand new conditioner, all over her. It doesn't help we had to leave in 10 minutes for class. Luckily, the husband was home and was able to tag team the situation. (Also, very satisfying that he sees what really goes on during the day). We made it to music, early! Charlotte received her first Valentine from a boy (!) in class who "really really likes her". So it starts, I had no idea. Charlotte has no idea.

Originally, I was going to start my first blog post with a reason why this blog is going to be awesome and that you should read it. I struggled a little with listing all the super awesome things about myself, family and spawn. I decided just to lay on the line. This might not happen to everyone, or it might happen to everyone, but it sure happened to me. I made sure to take a picture of it, how else do wedding slide shows happen?

Raising a child, when I sometimes still feel like a child myself, is a daily (if not hourly, hell, minute to minute) battle. I would never claim I know what I'm doing, but it sure is fun (and super scary) attempting. Trying to find my former, non baby self, is still a daily struggle for me. That person seems like she existed a million years ago, but at the end of the day I still feel like me, and I still want to talk about cool, non-baby things. I may have said, "We don't eat the car seat" 50+ times today. But, I still want to talk about the best way to broil a lobster tail, or the latest [insert] book, movie, tv show. Go to the latest restaurant and pray that my kid didn't spill a entire plate of food, or dip any food in water. Wait, what's a restaurant? This is my attempt to somewhat remedy that. Yes, there will be baby/kid talk, BUT there will be more than that. The latest workout I'm attempting, or food we're cooking or baking, or (gasp!) cocktail I'm obsessed with. Maybe we go on a vacation. And outlive the winter vortex, which I'm really not sure is possible.

Let's do this.